WE OFTEN HEAR people complain about their husband, wife, or significant other, and their family life. We
have also witnessed many failed marriages over the years, and they usually have something in common. If your
relationship with your partner doesn’t feel as healthy and happy as it once did, there’s a good chance you both
need to stop . . .
1. Being too busy to be present with each other.
The best gift you can give someone you love is the purity of your full presence. Presence is complete
awareness, or paying full attention to “the now.” If you do not find at least some amount of presence in the
moments you share with your partner, it is impossible to listen, speak, compromise, or otherwise connect with
them on a meaningful level.
To cultivate your presence, sit quietly for as long as you desire and put your full attention on your breath—
thinking only of what each inhale and exhale feels like. Don’t judge or resist your inner workings. Simply accept
and breathe. Practice this a few times a day, and it will start to feel more natural. This way, when you are in
the thick of a deep conversation with your partner, you can access that presence and listen without judgment or
impatience, speak with clarity, and learn to fully connect and compromise.
Bottom line: Be present. Give your partner your full attention. Let them see their own beauty in your eyes.
Let them find their own voice through your listening ears. Help them discover their own greatness in your
presence.
2. Feeling too comfortable to compliment each other.
The secret to a healthy, lasting relationship is not about how many days, months, or years you’ve been
together. It’s about how much you truly love each other every day. You must directly express this love through
your words and actions. It seems like such a small thing, but in our busy lives we often forget that a kind word,
a helping hand, or just a smile and a quick “thank you” can create a bright spot in your partner’s life.
A relationship lasts a lifetime only when two people make a choice to keep it and work for it. Tell your
partner you love them every night, and prove it every day. These acts of love don’t need to be extravagant;
they just need to be true.
Also, acknowledging and appreciating each other’s daily victories is one of the most loving things two people
can do for each other. So before going to bed every night, take a moment to openly discuss and appreciate
three things you each accomplished during the day, no matter how small. Compliment each other and celebrate
together. What we focus on expands. What we appreciate, appreciates in value.
3. Resisting compromise.
Good relationships don’t just happen, and they aren’t built solely on a foundation of convenience. They take
time, patience, effort, and two people who want to be together and are willing to meet in the middle. When
there’s a disagreement, they find a solution that works for both parties—a compromise rather than a need for
the other person to change or completely give in.
Ultimately, love is when another person’s happiness is equally as important as your own. It’s not only about
romance, candlelit dinners, and walking hand in hand; it’s about a lifetime of commitment and cooperation. Two
people don’t stay in love because they sleep in the same bed, but because they share the same foundation of
honesty, trust, and respect.
4. Wanting to be right.
When it comes to closest relationships, you don’t always have to be right. You just have to not be too worried
about being wrong. Ask yourself, “Does it really matter?” Oftentimes it’s far better to be kind than to be right.
Express your opinions freely and politely with your partner, remembering that if your purpose is to ridicule
them or prove them wrong, it will only bring bitterness into your relationship. Respecting their opinion, without
judging or jumping to conclusions, always carries more weight than simply being right.
Bottom line: Life is so much better when you focus on being happy together, rather than worrying about who
is more right as an individual.
5. Hiding personal flaws and problems from each other.
You attract a person by the qualities you show them, you keep them around based on the qualities you truly
possess. Problems and flaws are a part of everyone’s life. If you try to hide them, you don’t give the person who
loves you a chance to truly know you and love you fully.
As flawed as you might be, as out of place as you sometimes feel, and as lacking as you believe you are,
you don’t have to hide the imperfect pieces of yourself from your partner. They see your flaws as features that
make you interesting, and they see your problems simply as a sign that you’re human too.
By hiding things from your partner, you allow small problems to escalate and dominate both your life and
your relationship. If you make a mistake, it might be irritating, but don’t bury it inside you. Be open about it,
address it, and move on. Our problems are really our blessings if we use them to grow stronger, both as
individuals and as couples.
6. Trying to get even as a replacement for forgiveness.
Getting even doesn’t help a relationship heal. If you’re feeling pain, don’t take action that creates even more
pain. Don’t try to cover darkness with darkness. Find the light. Act out of love. Do something that will enable
you to move forward toward a more fulfilling reality.
If your partner makes a mistake that hurts you, and you want your relationship to grow beyond it, you have
to start with forgiveness. Without it, the potential for long-term happiness in a relationship is impossible.
You don’t forgive your partner because you’re weak; you forgive them because you’re strong enough to know
that human beings make mistakes. Forgiveness is giving up your craving to hurt them for hurting you. It doesn’t
mean you’re erasing the past or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and
pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move forward with your life . . . and hopefully move
forward with your relationship too.
Afterthoughts
The greatest relationships take a great deal of work. They don’t just happen or maintain themselves. They
thrive only when two people make an effort and take the risk of sharing what’s going on in their heads and
hearts.
Keep in mind that every couple has ups and downs, every couple argues, and that’s the way it should be—
you’re in a partnership, and partnerships can’t function without regular communication and compromise. When
you don’t talk it out, a lot of important stuff ends up not getting said.
Above all, remember that it’s not all about you. There is greatness in doing something you wouldn’t
otherwise do, all for the sake of someone you love.