Deets – Hybrid Learning

Correcting The Deficit In Critical Thinking

Batoota — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 07:37:57 +0000

How To Correct The Deficit In Critical Thinking

As a culture, we have a thought crisis–namely, a harmful and enduring refusal and/or inability to think well and think critically.

This is just an opinion, but I hope not a radical one. To clarify why this crisis exists–or even why I believe it exists–would require a sweeping analysis of cultural, societal, political, and other anthropological terms beyond the scope of TeachThought.

For starters, skim through almost any social media ‘discussion’ about any culturally critical issue. If you disagree that such a crisis exists, the rest of this article will likely not be worth your time. If we can assume that statement to be at least partly true, though, we can see that as an industry, then we have a crisis in education that is both a cause and effect of the above.

Education both causes and is an effect of thought. Education and thought, at least conceptually, are as connected as the architecture of a building and the building itself.

In part, this ‘thought crisis’ is also a crisis in language and is related to a parallel crisis in affection. Connected are deficits in utility, knowledge, patience, place, and cultural memory. But for our purposes, let’s discuss a central crisis among the crises: A deficit in critical thinking.

This is, in part, an issue of thought subjects and thought quality: what we think about and how.

On the surface, education–as it is–is not about teaching thought but rather about content. This shouldn’t be controversial, really.

Education As It Is

Education is roughly arranged into content areas and stratified by age. On a wide view, the general structure can be thought of as a large grid: The columns are the content areas, and the rows are the ‘age.’ We could also consider it the reverse, and it wouldn’t change much.

Put briefly, the formal education system in the United States is designed for people to study (generally) four primary categories of knowledge (math, science, social studies, and language arts) for thirteen years.

These content areas tend to become more complex but are only intermittently specialized (‘science’ becoming ‘chemistry,’ for example, even though chemistry is still a science; for the record, I’m not sure why we don’t show at least a little vision and wed science and the humanities into ‘new content areas’ that aren’t content areas at all but realize that this is crazy talk to most and will save my breath).

The point is, education–as it is–is about content, and mastery of content is about points and grades that either does or does not result in certificates (e.g., diplomas) that allow increasingly specialized study (business, law, medicine, etc.) in post-secondary education (like college/university) for the purpose of ‘career prep’ (which, I’ve offered, should not be the purpose of school).

Three of the most visible components of most modern K-12 public education systems: teachers, content, and letter grades, with the two former components often merged (e.g., ‘math teacher’ or ‘art teacher.’) Also hugely visible education components: students, tests, computers, books, walls, desks, hallways, groups, bells, calendars, front-of-the-room chalkboards and whiteboards, etc.

The above is not a comprehensive analysis, and there are countless exceptions of learning approaches and forms, but they’re still exceptions. Indeed, this overview is not, as far as I can tell, misleading in its characterization of modern public learning forms and spaces.

And if the above is more or a less accurate thumbnail of how human beings learn in formal education, it should become at least somewhat clear that we have a problem.

A kind of deficit.

The McDonaldization of The Classroom

You can’t evaluate the quality of a ‘thing’ without knowing what the thing ought to do. This is simple for kitchen utensils and challenging for art and affection and people: To clarify an education and what it ‘should be’ is to impart what ideally is a very personal and ‘local’ philosophy on everyone else. This is because of the nature of standardization.

In 1993, George Ritzer wrote a book–which owes itself in large part to previous work by many, including Max Weber–called The McDonaldization of Society. The book is an exploration of the causes, effects, and nature standardization through the lens of the McDonald’s American restaurant chain.

McDonald’s is hardly the first business to leverage such standardization. In fact, Industrialism itself–the spine of 20th-century America–owes itself to the concept in many ways ushered into ‘popularity’ by Henry Ford. Whether or not you find a ‘problem’ with industrialism is first a philosophical concern.

George Ritzer has taken central elements of the work of Max Weber, expanded and updated them, and produced a critical analysis of the impact of social structural change on human interaction and identity. The central theme in Weber’s analysis of modern society was the process of Rationalization; a far-reaching process whereby traditional modes of thinking were being replaced by an ends/means analysis concerned with efficiency and formalized social control.

For Weber, the archetypical manifestation of this process was the Bureaucracy; a large, formal organization characterized by a hierarchical authority structure, well-established division of labor, written rules and regulations, impersonality and a concern for technical competence. Bureaucratic organizations not only represent the process of rationalization, the structure they impose on human interaction and thinking furthers the process, leading to an increasingly rationalized world.

The process affects all aspects of our everyday life. Ritzer suggests that in the later part of the Twentieth Century the socially structured form of the fast-food restaurant has become the organizational force representing and extending the process of rationalization further into the realm of everyday interaction and individual identity. McDonald’s serves as the case model of this process in the 1990’s.

In the book, Ritzer explains that one effect of endless rationality is irrationality: “Most specifically, irrationality means that rational systems are unreasonable systems. By that, I mean that they deny the basic humanity, the human reason, of the people who work within or are served by them.”

Which brings us back to education and our deficit in critical thinking.

Standardizing anything is a trade. I’ve talked about this dozens of times before. And dozens of other posts and tweets and articles because, it seems to me, it represents one of the inherent flaws in our design of modern learning. In short, in education as it is, every single student regardless of background, ethnicity, gender, passion, family history, local needs, or familial expertise will study the same thing delivered in similar ways–very much like a kind of academic cafeteria.

The implied hope in a curriculum delivered to such students (i.e., all of them) in such a fashion (i.e., the ‘grid approach’ explained above) is that it will fit everyone’s needs. It is designed to be rational.

And the methods of delivery of such a curriculum (e.g., teachers, classrooms, books, apps, tests, etc.) are also designed to be rational. That is, both the curriculum (what is studied) and the learning and instructional design models (how it is being studied) are designed to be practical: testable, observable, and deliverable to every single student regardless of–well, anything. By design, public education is (intended to be) for all students everywhere, no matter what.

But what about thinking? Can critical thinking–wrought and wielded by the thinkers–coexist in a standardized learning environment designed to promote the broadest numbers of students to mastery of the most traditional academic content? Possibly–but that may not be the best way to ask the question.

Is education designed to promote affection, curiosity, inquiry, and critical thinking?

People race tractors and ride on hot air balloons, but that doesn’t mean either is entirely suited to the task. Outside of education, it is in the disparity of function and application that our amusement resides. But within education? Generation after generation of students suffers from the deficit.

What About Critical Thinking?

In ‘What Does Critical Thinking Mean’? I said:

“Critical thinking is among the first causes for change (personal and social) but is a pariah in schools –for no other reason than it conditions the mind to suspect the form and function of everything it sees, including your classroom and everything being taught in it. In critical thinking, the thinking is only a strategy to arrive at informed criticism, which is itself is a starting point for understanding one’s self and/or the world around you. While in function it can run parallel to the scientific method, science intends to arrive at an unbiased, neutral, and zero-human conclusion. In critical thinking, there is no conclusion; it is constant interaction with changing circumstances and new knowledge that allows for a broader vision which allows for new evidence that starts the process over again.”

And that’s getting us closer to our deficit of critical thinking culturally, which in part owes itself to a parallel deficit of critical thinking in education.

Whether or not we can ‘teach’ critical thinking is often argued, but that seems to be missing the point. Rather than ask if schools can teach critical thinking–or even if critical thinking can be taught–we might start by asking what we lose if we live in a world where it doesn’t happen.

While entirely new forms and methods and reasons to learn will likely eventually disrupt education as it is from the outside, if we’re feeling nostalgic with the old sturdy body of education, we can at least address that deficit of critical thinking by embedding into the architecture of education. This can be accomplished in any number of ways, but some fruit appears to be low-hanging.

1. Design curriculum that emphasizes critical thinking–curriculum that becomes catalyzed by sustained inquiry and critical thought. (Much like electricity.)

2. Create learning models that require critical thinking–learning models that cannot function if students (all students) don’t think critically. (Much like a rowboat where everyone has to row and stops if someone stops rowing; alternatively, break apart the boats completely so every student must row themselves.)

3. Create learning achievements, grades, certificates, etc. that all illuminate the process, sequence, patterns, genius, and outcomes of critical thinking.

4. Establish cultural practices where critical thinking is valued over popularity. (Democracy might benefit.)

5. Champion teachers as leaders in helping grow children that think for themselves by supporting teachers as professional designers of learning experiences and opportunities.

6. Promote an ongoing dialogue between schools, families, communities, organizations, higher education, members of the local economy, etc., about the necessity and nature of critical thought.

7. Create learning opportunities that benefit from the respective genius of each child, where that child’s gifts and affections are clear and undeniable especially to that student as they see themselves.

We can go on and on and I worry I’m moving too far away from the point: Schools as they are are not ‘designed for’ critical thinking and right now and as a culture (and planet) we are suffering from the ensuing deficit.

This implies we might focus less on the iterative improvement of education and more on education as it might be.

12 Questions To Help Students See Themselves As Thinkers

Batoota — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 07:37:49 +0000

Merging Metacognition & Citizenship

Why should someone learn?

While Paulo Freire, John Dewey, and others have provided compelling arguments for what might be the goal of education, learning, and education are not one and the same. One simple overarching goal of learning, as opposed to education might be for each learner to understand ‘how to work well in one’s place.’

Learning—here defined as the overall effect of incrementally acquiring, synthesizing, and applying information—changes beliefs. Awareness leads to thoughts, thoughts lead to emotions, and emotions lead to behavior. Learning, therefore, results in both personal and social change through self-knowledge and healthy interdependence. In fact, this may be the truest–and wordiest–definition of modern learning possible: intimate, self-directed learning experiences that serve authentic physical and digital communities, ultimately leading to personal and social change.

12 Questions To Help Students See Themselves As Thinkers

Self-knowledge is formed through a range of meta-cognition and basic epistemology.

1. What do I know?

2. What am I curious about?

3. What questions and answers have those before me created?

4. What do those around me need from me?

5. What do I need from them?

6. What is worth understanding?

7. What is the difference between awareness, knowledge, and understanding?

8. What are the limits of knowledge?

9. How does uncertainty affect me as a thinker?

10. What does one ‘do’ with knowledge?

11. What does my community–however I define it–require from me, and I from it?

12. Why learn?

Globalization & Citizenship

Authentic self-knowledge and accountable local placement promote healthy communities that can solve problems and celebrate knowledge on a scale that resonates globally. But what does this mean to the learner—the individual that should be the focus of any learning process, platform, or initiative?

How should the role of the teacher change in light of modern access to information in much of the world? (And how is information different than knowledge?)

How can education possibly maintain the pace of change in technology? What are the consequences if it doesn’t?

Since globalization is, first and foremost, a matter of local citizenship, a question must be considered: where does citizenship begin?

Essayist and social critic Wendell Berry, for years, has addressed large questions regarding the intersection of the individual, society, business, and technology. Berry cautions that a “refined, discriminating knowledge of localities by the local people is indispensable if we want the most sensitive application of intelligence to local problems if we want the best work to be done.”

One interpretation of this idea references the notion of scale; in fact, most challenges of application (in this case, learning) can be reduced to challenges in scale. An implication then would be for one to design a ‘scaleable’ curriculum by, among other things, beginning and ending with the local ‘self.’

In lieu of outward content knowledge, perhaps the goal of all learning should be self-knowledge–themes of identity and purpose, then connectivism and interdependence–ultimately leading to self-directed thinkers who care for their connections with others and the consequences of their ‘cognitive behavior.’

This ‘self-caretaking’ radically differs from externally-directed, measured, and motivated performance in tone and purpose. But this redirect of the purpose of learning isn’t just about motivation or a classroom striving to be ‘learner-centered’–it’s about re-centering the entire learning process.

Alone this is a minor shift, but on a macro level, this kind of thinking might lead to innovative, ‘different’ thinking by a new kind of learner who just has to solve a problem, correct a conflict, or create art.

Masterpieces are rarely created under compulsion.

Short Story Ideas Guaranteed to Kick Your Writing into High Gear

Batoota — Thu, 04 May 2023 07:00:11 +0000

With more limited abilities to focus and progressively rushed lives, it’s no big surprise perusers love brief tales now as much as could be expected. The Inquisitive Instance of Benjamin Button, The Shawshank Recovery, Minority Report, and Brokeback Mountain — even Hollywood has taken a recharged interest in brief tales.

The following are brief tale prompts and starters to assist you with becoming enlivened, move beyond a creative slump and investigate the entrancing system of writing in a sort that Stephen Lord broadly once contrasted with a kiss in obscurity from an outsider.

If it’s not too much trouble, go ahead and utilize any of these plans to start your next imaginative undertaking. You don’t need to credit us, yet it would be greatly valued in the event that you do! A basic connect to Service Scape is the most effective way to do that.

Need additional composing prompts? Look at our composing brief recordings beneath or evaluate our Composing Brief Generator.

Adventure

A group of hunters are on a hunt. Their dress and actions are completely primitive until the end when they change back into suits and leave the area in modern vehicles.
Weather patterns across the globe suddenly shift, causing natural law to go haywire. A family tries to make sense of it while getting to safety.
A flood swept away an entire town, leaving only the library and its strange secret.
Your main character is evicted from their home and forced to call in some favors. Although, those favors take him/her on a wild ride they never expected.
The night before an important social function, your main character is tasked with saving the world.
Your main character’s boat is sinking in the middle of the ocean and he/she only has 1 hour to make a raft from parts of the vessel.
Your main character joins the communist regime and leads the party to glorious victory over the capitalist bourgeoisie funded by your antagonist’s Super-PAC.
Your main character has a change of heart and partners up with your antagonist, joining their evil organization and proving a much more capable evil overlord than your antagonist could ever hope to be.
Your character’s things are packed up and they are ready to leave town tomorrow. Before they say goodbye to their town, they decide to stop by at their favorite bar just to say goodbye. Something that happens at the bar makes them question whether or not leaving is the right decision.
When your character is hanging out at their favorite coffee shop, they notice someone loitering outside. As your character leaves, they see a black SUV pull up and a very handsome man gets out. The loiterer goes to lunge for the man, but your character instinctively decides to jump on him, blocking him from attacking the unsuspecting man. It turns out that the handsome man is the governor of the state. What happens next?
Two giant fingers reach down and pluck your main character away from what they were just doing, and unceremoniously deposit them on a pirate ship.
Your main character finds an abandoned car, keys still inside, parked outside their home.
Your protagonist is a corporate CEO who suddenly must hunt and forage his own food.
Your characters are trapped in a structure that constantly shifts and changes. How do they find their way out?

Sci-fi, Fantasy, and Supernatural

Your main character wakes up in the body of the person he/she most despises.
An outdoor music festival receives strange, otherworldly visitors who decide to take the stage for their own performance.
A man wakes up to discover he can no longer hear but can see things he’s never seen before.
A man and his dog go to the dog park to play and the dog finds a bone with strange carvings on it that reacts to the environment in unexpected ways.
A group of high school friends cross paths 10 years after graduation to catch up, only to learn that one in their midst has developed special, superhuman powers.
A secondary character stumbles upon a talking blade, and they begin behaving suspiciously.
Your character wakes one morning and finds that they are physically stronger, faster, and have greater reflexes than when they went to sleep. Each time they sleep, they become stronger.
As if losing everything she owned in the tornado wasn’t enough, Lila learned that she’d been laid off from her job. And that’s when she started noticing the monsters.
A tertiary character is revealed to be “The chosen one,” and your main character must help them to succeed in fulfilling their destiny.
The antagonist dies, but the story doesn’t end.
Your main character is given a suit that protects them from danger—unfortunately it has a different threshold for safety than seems ideal.
A character in your story becomes aware that they are in a story.
our character wakes up deaf and mute but sees more colors than he or she knew was possible.
Your main character finds that time has slowed for them. Each year they age only several weeks, and slowly those nearest them are beginning to take notice.
Your main character makes a pact with an alien visitor to trade bodies for the day to tour around unnoticed.
Your main character wakes up in an unrecognizable city that is at least 100 years more advanced in technology than we are today.
Lightning strikes your main character and he/she wakes up in the hospital with a small black goblin perched on their shoulder, which no one else can see.
The sun goes out, replaced by building-sized lights in the sky over each major city. Across the world, beams of light descend from the sky, and each points toward your main character.
A secondary character is visited by aliens. They are told that they have been chosen as a representative of humanity amongst the interstellar accord. They need your main character’s advice.
Your main character has a theme song which plays for ten seconds every time they enter a room.
Your protagonist is visited by a comic book hero who needs their help.
Your character cannot wake from a series of back-to-back dreams that feel like he or she is awake.
All rhinos have gone extinct except for two, and your main character has been granted guardianship of the last two of their kind.
Your character notices a weird growth on their arm one morning. They brush it off as a weird bump or scratch—until it turns into something else entirely.
Your character has always thought of their parents in a certain way, but here lately they’re doing something unusual that changes your character’s opinion of them.
Your main character is the owner of a variety store and an invisible car crashes through the wall, driven by an invisible person.
Your antagonist and protagonist meet in the afterlife, hundreds of thousands of years after your story takes place.
Your antagonist and protagonist get freaky-Friday-ed. When they wake up, each is in the other’s body.
Your main character is suddenly invisible, but they don’t know how long it will last.
Your main character wakes up, in high school again, and finds that they are late for an important test.
Your main character is granted a single wish, but must be careful, because the genie granting the wish will attempt to misinterpret any wish they make.
Your main character finds himself/herself in the video game they were playing.
Your main character is the leader of a random group of apocalypse survivors who must now forage for food.
A cell phone is found locked inside a cabinet in a home recently purchased by newlyweds. On it is a recorded message from their future children. What does the message say and how did it get there?
Your main character and the three people standing closest to them, are thrown backwards in time three hundred years.
Your protagonist can see the future and doesn’t want to leave his/her home.
Your main character discovers that they are a wizard, and that this means they will have to leave their family to learn how to safely practice magic, in a school they have never heard of.
Suddenly, your main character can hear the thoughts of everyone who is wearing the same color shirt as they are.
Your protagonist dies. The story doesn’t end.
Your main character is really a guardian angel in human form.
Your protagonist meets a man claiming to be God. He/she doesn’t believe the man, but then miracles ensue.
Two adult sisters discuss a fateful night when they were teenagers and ran away from home, only to encounter a pack of vampires waiting to take them in.
A family comes together for Christmas, only to discover that they have somehow switched bodies and perspectives over the course of the meal.
A man or woman wakes up as his/her dog or cat and it’s breakfast time.
Two writers discover they’ve written the exact same text, word for word, 1,000 miles apart from each other.
A parent and child encounter their ancestor, who has been dead for centuries, and they go on a walk through the city/the woods.
A lost Incan treasure is found in the basement of a school in Ohio. How did it get there? And more importantly, how is it glowing?
Your main character suddenly loses his ability to see but can hear things he hadn’t heard before.
.It’s 2050 and most of America has become one large city except for a small area in the middle of the country, considered uninhabitable by most people except for a few. Who are they and how do they survive?

Romance and Drama

A secondary character starts their own business and enlists your main character to help it succeed but falls in love instead.
Your antagonist wins over your main character’s best friend, convincing that friend of their good intentions.
Your main character gets a new job, working at the evil corporation run by your antagonist—but the work they would be doing could really help people.
Your main character and their best friend find themselves in a love triangle with your antagonist.
A couple is having an argument at the table beside your character at a restaurant. Although they are trying to avoid eye contact, your character realizes that one of them is the ex that the other never quite got over.
A tertiary character is seriously stressing out, and your protagonist feels the need to reach out to them with a kind gesture. It does the opposite of help.
Your character is talked into going to their romantic interest’s mother’s dance recital, and their romantic interest doesn’t show up.
Your character is at a friend’s house for a dinner party. Suddenly, someone they absolutely despise walks in. What do they do now?
Your character’s boyfriend of five years surprises them with an engagement ring at a dinner with their whole family. They pause for a minute before they answer him. But if he knew their secret, there is no way he would be proposing right now. The whole room is waiting for the response.
Your character gets matched up with a famous person on Tinder. What happens on their date?
Your character’s friend introduces them to someone at a party. It turns out that your character and the other person actually know each other quite well. However, neither of them acknowledges this fact. The friend steps away. What do they say to each other now?
Your character’s mom seems really tense when they are out to dinner with her one evening. They ask her what’s wrong. “I have something to tell you,” she says gravely.
Write a story about a father and son reuniting for the first time in 20 years. Why did they go so long without talking? What finally brought them together?
Your main character’s romantic interest finds one day that they are much more interested in your antagonist.
Suddenly, a tertiary character confesses their love for your protagonist, getting down on one knee and producing a ring. But your protagonist loves someone else.
One night when your character is at a bar with all of their friends, a mysteriously charming stranger starts talking to them. They are instantly captivated by their every word. They ask for your character’s number, but there’s just one (major) problem.

Mystery and Horror

A writer’s manuscript contains words he didn’t write…ghostwriting in its truest form. But who is his co-author and what does the ghost want?
Your main character comes home to find that their family is missing.
Your character wakes up covered with strange tattoos and can’t remember how he/she got them.
Your protagonist awoke from a nightmare to find an object from his/her dream laying on the pillow.
Two cousins hitchhike along a deserted country road, following a stream of black smoke to an abandoned house, where there is no one tending the steadily burning fire.
Your main character wakes up in the trunk of a car, their head throbbing.
An escaped convict leaves behind evidence of his innocence for the search party to find.
Your protagonist wakes up aged considerably, after a Rip Van Winkle-esque 20-year nap, and his friends don’t believe his story.
There’s no way out of the concert hall but the concert-goers tried to find it anyway. Behind them, the snarling monster prowled.
Lost in the woods, two teens encounter a witch-like woman who offers them all they’ve ever wanted in exchange for one small thing—their baby sister.
Your main character discovers a long-lost sibling who is down on their luck.
Your main character is given an important heirloom, an item passed down for generations in their family. But it is cursed.
Your main character finds a black mahogany door in their basement, shut tight with chains.
One night while your character is camping in the woods with their family, there’s a loud noise from inside the tent. At first everyone thinks it’s an animal, but this sounds like nothing they’ve ever heard before.
Your main character has a conversation with a ghost from their past, either literally or figuratively.
Your main character goes broke drinking and gambling and wakes up the next morning with a small white rabbit perched on their chest, possibly stolen from the magic act they saw the night before.
Your main character wakes up on a rooftop, in their underwear.
Your main character inherits a vast fortune, but they must stay in a creepy old house for an entire night in order to earn it.
Your main character sells their soul and seems to have all of their problems solved, only to find out that the devil is a blood relation, and there are no catches.
Your main character wakes up to find that ¾ of the world’s population has suddenly disappeared without a trace.
Two adopted twin sisters embark on a journey to find their birth father, only to find that he’s been close to them all along.
Your main character’s dog goes missing in the night, and they aren’t the only one missing a pet. After some sleuthing they discover that a friend has become a werewolf, and that their best friend is the cause of the missing animals.
Your main character wakes up wearing a strange ring which glows with sparks of blue electricity.
People find that if they don’t concentrate on keeping their soul attached to their body, it begins to separate. Without continuous concentration, everyone becomes ghosts of themselves.
Your character discovers that there’s something really mysterious happening at the neighborhood park. Your character finally works up the nerve to go down there one evening, and what they find is even more peculiar than what they originally thought.
Your main character is trapped in a dream that is quickly becoming a nightmare.
After a particularly grueling day at work, your character groggily returns to work the next morning. The secretary, who your character has said hello to every morning for about five years, suddenly has no idea who they are. When they tell her their name, she responds: “No one by that name has ever worked here.”
Your character wakes up one morning in what looks to be a hospital. They try to move, but it appears they are strapped into the bed. A nurse suddenly enters the room and calls them by the wrong name. What happened to them? What happens next?
The doorbell rings. No one is there, but a mysterious package was left behind. Your character opens it up and find something inside that’s very unexpected.
Write about a scenario where a character does something terrible and gets away with it completely.
Your character’s sibling is wanted for a serious crime. They swear that they didn’t do it, but your character is not so sure.
A ghost of your antagonist’s great-great-great-grandmother visits your protagonist, warning him to stay away from her great-great-great-grandchild.
On your character’s walk to work, they notice that the streets are suspiciously empty. Brushing it off, they finally get to their office. There’s no one inside at all. They walk around searching for someone, anyone to ask what’s happening. They find no one and nothing.
A child draws scenes that end up happening exactly as he/she draws them. His/her parents try to understand what is happening.

Other

Your main character has been knocked unconscious, and another character from your story needs to step up and take their place.
At the library one afternoon doing some research, your character notices an unusual photograph. Your character is immediately captivated by it. What’s in the photograph?
Your character’s grandma recently passed away. In her will, she left your character something very strange.
Your main character has just come face to face with their worst enemy, and they are monologuing.
Your antagonist has finally won, accomplishing their greatest feat. Now what?
Your antagonist and protagonist swap places for a day.
Your antagonist and protagonists are placed in the same dorm room at university. Hilarity ensues.
It turns out your antagonist was right the whole time, and now your protagonist has some explaining to do.
Your main character or antagonist wins the lottery, a jackpot of 3.4 million dollars. But he/she doesn’t want it.
Your main character is contemplating suicide until a stranger stops him/her.
The king dies, and your antagonist’s best friend becomes the new ruling monarch. The catch is, they don’t seem too bad, other than the fact that your antagonist keeps whispering in their ear.
Your protagonist is incredibly late for their next scheduled meeting, and he or she just keeps running into obstacles which stall them further.
Your character’s birthday wish that they made when they were blowing out the candles actually comes true. What is it? Is it everything that they hoped for?
Your character’s home is a little worse for wear. It seems like everything is broken and your character has no more money to invest in this money pit. In the garage, they see an old can of gasoline. Would they do the unthinkable? What is going through their mind right now?
Your character’s family has a lot of traditions. They go along with them, except for one. If their parents knew your character broke this rule, they would likely disown them. What is it? What would your character do if they found out?
Your character is a pretty shy, introspective person. One day they wake up and realize that they are saying everything that they think. They can’t control the words that are coming out of their mouth at all. While this is helpful when they are trying to talk to friends and acquaintances at work, it really starts to get them into trouble.
Your character is a member of a family that has always feuded with their neighbors over trivial issues, and now must ask his/her neighbors for help in an emergency. How do the neighbors respond?

Story Starters

The place where the world stopped was not so strange, but the vertigo was overwhelming. The girl could not decide whether or not it would be wise to jump.
The gear turned, interlaced with another, and another. His eyes traced the inner workings of the machine to the place where the light shone.
Static played between the cracks of the monitor, the spark and hiss of the television muffled as the living room filled with water.
The hand was pale, as if circulation had long stopped; and the ring upon the creature’s finger seemed to glow with a spark of interior fire.
They say that when you die in a dream, you die in real life. I can tell you that isn’t true; because I died in a dream, and what happened to me was much stranger than that.
The girl spun, dragged by the momentum of her backpack, tilting from one foot to the next so that her balance was tenuous, her motions growing wilder.
The face in the mirror was not his own. It was handsomer, his eyes more vibrant, his skin clearer. He frowned, uncertain, but his reflection smiled.
Once upon a time, in a night with no stars and no moon, there was a shadow in the darkness.
Bright blue water held the stars’ reflections, until she dove beneath the surface. Then for a long moment the lake was still, until I began to grow nervous. When she finally returned, she held aloft over her head the star which had hung in the North, the wish-making star.
It was, as the wave of mud descended, sprayed by the wheels of a yellow taxi – it was that moment which made that day the worst of her life.
Again, try again. Concentrate now, it will not come easily.
Strange, to see her here. She seemed out of place. Not the soft out-of-place, like an uncle entertaining unfamiliar nieces and nephews, but the hard of out-of-place which drew every eye in the room.
It was a trick of the fingers, and a twist of the wrist, which changed the shape of the shifting cloak. One moment the garment was a heavy green wool, and the next it was black satin, suitable for the night’s entertainments.
I have been many things: a pawn, a dancer, a master of the blade; but none of these in the way you might think, and none of them for less than a moment.
The torch hissed as he plunged it into the river and let the current sweep the light away. Then he was alone in the dark with the red-ember eyes.
Like a dream she had drifted from the room, and like a dream she seemed unreal, and like a dream she was gone.
The pencil was now stuck in the ceiling, the glob of green hanging precariously from it; and before I could dash across the room, or throw the stapler again to dislodge it, Mr. Smythe reentered the classroom.
The lower level was waist-deep already, flooding from a number of breaches along the starboard hull. Younger crewmen were wading through the water in search of bailing buckets. Older crewmates were racing toward the ladders, offering prayers beneath their breath.
The river was home to a great many, and together they drifted along it. It was never fast, never sudden, but always full to brimming of fish, and always clean to drink.
The sphere was some metal he had never seen before, like steel but with a faint blue hue. It stood out nearly three feet from the earth; and where it was exposed to the air, lightning struck it repeatedly, illuminating his surroundings with each strike.
The woman swung her scythe with the steady clockwork motion of a pendulum.
Frost spread across the ground. Slowly at first, with the lingering laziness of autumn, but then with greater fervor; and the creature flew along behind it as it spread across the field.
Doom blanketed the town, like silence might have on a more peaceful night.
Typical, he thought. Another throwaway evening. Not a soul in town, and not a sound to be heard; but that night was anything but typical.
She didn’t blink. Not when he made faces, or when he screamed; not when he brought out the joke about the garden gnomes, or the one about the flea circus. She didn’t even blink when he resorted to the feather, or when he made a motion like he might poke her in the eye.
His favorite color had always been blue. Not because it was depressing or anything – it wasn’t – but because it seemed to soak in the light, and then give some of it back. Like black, he thought, but less dead, less drab.
The ballet slipper would not fit, and that would never do. Only moments now, before they knocked on her dressing room door, and her sister’s slipper would not slide onto her foot.
You aren’t supposed to have conversations through the wall of the changing rooms, especially not the fancy kind where a woman waits outside to ask if everything fits just right. And yet, here she was, knee deep in the most awkward conversation she could imagine.
There was no gravity here, and so she floated, waiting to come close enough to something solid that she could push off from it, and toward the exit.
They say bleach for blood but the odor is too strong. Best to take it out with hydrogen peroxide. Then again, it looks strange buying thirty bottles of hydrogen peroxide at three in the morning, so I settle for a couple gallons of bleach.
The doctor looked up from the manila folder in his hands and said, “Your test results are positive.”
Just as she settled into the backseat with her suitcase and carry-on bag, an oncoming headlight illuminated the driver’s face and she realized this wasn’t her Uber driver. He was the man they’d been showing on the news the last few days.
As the doctor handed the newborn bundle to her, she gasped.
As she threw her head back to soak up the flowering spring trees, she saw her ex-husband watching her from across the street. How could he have known she was here?
The young girl was maybe 5 or 6 but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone.
She might never get the chance to be alone with him again. Her husband was across the country; he’d never find out, so why not?
“Is this your handwriting?” the policeman asked with a scowl.

I could have been anything—a doctor, lawyer, architect. Instead, I became a carney.
When he saw the state troopers standing on his front stoop, he thought they must have the wrong house. But when the troopers took off their hats and one of them asked, “Are you James Cooper?” he couldn’t find the strength to answer.
“I knew you’d come back to me,” she whispered. “It’s been a lifetime but I knew you’d come back.”
The doctor emerged from the double doors and said, “There were some unexpected complications.”
This was the moment he’d been training for. He strapped on his helmet and got in position.
She continued running, but as the trail of blood got thicker and the splattered drops got closer together, she started following the blood instead of the greenway path. She had to find the source of all this blood. Was it animal blood… or human?
When he looked around, he froze. He’d been here before. This was the same place where he kept getting stuck in his dreams. Would he be able to find his way out in waking life?
She shut off the kitchen light and turned to go upstairs to bed, unaware that two sets of eyes were watching her every move.
He frantically searched his lab, but he found no sign of the invisibility potion. How could someone have stolen it before he even got the chance to use it?
As she listened to him snore on the pillow next to her, she wondered how much longer she could stay married to him. She prayed he would die in his sleep or get hit by a car. Then her eyes fell on the pillow at the foot of the bed.
“Mr. Dempsey, they’re not both going to make it. We can save your wife or the baby, but we can’t save both. You need to let us know your decision in the next two minutes, or we may lose them both.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” the man asked as he positioned the needle over her heart.
Nothing had grown in that patch of grass for 50 years. It had been a barren dirt patch ever since that stranger had conjured a fire bolt and scorched the ground. But Tommy definitely saw a green sprout growing in the middle of the barren square. What was it, and how could it produce life in a place that nothing else could?
The car rattled as if she’d gone over a speed bump, but she knew there were no speed bumps on this road. She looked in her rear view mirror and thought she saw blonde hair… and maybe a human form on the road. She wondered if she should turn back. Had anyone seen her?
“If you walk out that door right now, I don’t ever want to see your face in my home again,” his mother said.
“I will get my money back one way or another,” he growled, as he pinned her arms beneath her back.
“The price of freedom depends on what you’re willing to pay. Tell me, sir: how much is your freedom worth to you?
She fumbled in her purse for her keys, but her hands were clumsy with fear. Just as her fingers grazed the familiar key fob, a sweaty hand grabbed her shoulder.
He’d seen her. She could tell by the smirk on his lips. She pushed through the thick crowd in hopes of making it to the exit before he blocked her way.
She glared at the thick bracelet on her bicep. Why did her parents make such a big deal about never taking off? It was heavy and not even stylish. She found clasp and fiddled with it for a moment. Surely her parents were exaggerating about all the awful things that would happen to her if she ever took this off.
He extended his hand to her and said, “Hi, I’m Finkel Wolfson.” She looked at his outstretched hand as if it was crawling with spiders and roaches. “Oh, I’ve heard about you,” she said with a sniff. Finkel panicked. He was 3000 miles away from home; how could she have heard about him?
“One of us has to try it,” Amir said as he pointed to the lumpy, unfamiliar fruit on the tree in front of them. If we don’t, we’ll starve to death. Death by poison seems worth the risk in case it’s edible, doesn’t it?”
The night winds rustled as the door to the old woman’s home slowly opened.
She laughed when he told her the news. It was exactly what she expected and she knew the lie was over.
He glanced in his rearview mirror and saw that the blue sedan was still following him.
She stepped off the elevator with a sense of purpose. This time, she would succeed.
He flicked the stub of his cigarette onto the pile and walked away without a second look.
Just as they got to the edge of town, the car started making a terrible clunking sound.
“What’s that smell?”
He rolled down his window and called out, “Hey—do you want a ride?”
“You better get down to the station. It happened again.”
The dog raced toward her with such intensity that she didn’t have time to get out of his way.
“I don’t think you’re capable of love.”
He picked up the glowing rock and inspected it. Where had it come from, and how had it ended up in his backyard?
By the time Johnny got home, thousands of sheets of paper had piled up on the floor beside the printer, each with only one sentence printed in bold type: “I am coming for you, and there’s nothing you can do.”
“How could you have married him? You promised you’d wait for me.”
“I’ve lost him,” she screamed, but none of us knew what she’d lost.
For a moment, time slowed, and the sound of the approaching storm was all that we could hear.
“Look out!” he shouted.
I’d never last long in the slammer. I get all frantic when I’m in tight spaces, start tryin’ to climb the walls and such.
Tears filled her eyes as she scanned the list a second time. She didn’t make the team.
“I’m pregnant.”
He watched her leave, knowing that she only locked the flimsy doorknob behind her. He had at least two hours before she’d be back home.
“Where am I?”
“What happened to you?” She asked.
There are three things you never mess with if you know what’s good for you: heroin, border patrol, and the Valdez cartel.
She fell to the floor when she heard the first explosion. She didn’t know if she should try to escape or try to hide.
“We’re sending you to live with another family. It’s for your own safety.”
As she watched this hulking, hairy animal lope across her backyard, she wondered what two creatures collaborated to make this tremendous beast, and what was it looking for?
“She hasn’t spoken a word since the accident. Our friend said that you might be able to help her.”
“Don’t lie to me. I already know the truth.”
As he walked away, his smile grew from a smirk to an all-out grin.
“Why is all of Daddy’s stuff in the front yard?”
He counted his register drawer again. How could he be short $2500?
The teacher looked at his gaping shoes and tattered clothes and knew she had to find out what was really going on at home or this kid would end up in the system. She called him up to her desk and asked, “Do you want to help me on a project this weekend?”
If he hurried, he might be able to get back to work before anyone found out what he had done.
“Do you have experience with demons?” she whispered from under the table.
“This medicine numbs the pain, but it will also permanently numb your ability to feel pleasure. Do you want it?”
“Mr. Whipple, we’ve just learned that your wife is an undercover agent with the Russian government. We need your help apprehending her.”
Once she’d confirmed that no one was looking, she ducked into the unmarked building.
When she walked outside the next morning, she realized his curse must have worked.
He pulled his hat low over his brow and tried to blend in with the crowd, hoping no one would realize who he was.
He was inside the video game! But wait—if he was in here… who had the controls?
She bent down to pick up the strange-looking shell from the sand, but as soon as her hand touched it, the earth started to shake.
He opened the letter and sunk to his knees in the middle of the driveway.
“What are we going to do once the last of this food is gone?” he asked.
She looked closer and realized that this tree was growing dollar bills instead of leaves and quarters instead of acorns.
There is never a better time to say “I’m sorry” than when karma is kicking you good.
When the pigeon swooped down in front of her, she realized it had a note attached to its right leg.
“I’ll need to speak to at least three of your ex-girlfriends to check your references before I’ll go on a date with you.”
“Mommy, there’s a ghost in my room!”
Something wasn’t right. No one seemed to recognize her. No one even really seemed to see her. Could he have erased her existence?
They had never been this high before. As she reached for the next rock outcropping, she wondered if it was actually close enough to reach, or if she was about to fall into the canyon.
“This is something we don’t usually show visitors,” the museum docent whispered as she unlocked the door marked “DANGER!”
He looked both ways before crossing the street, not realizing that he had just made the worst decision of his life.
“How did you get that scar?”
He muttered a few extra spells as he stirred the potion. He couldn’t risk it malfunctioning this time.
Every person on the street and in the mall looked identical. They were all wearing red shirts and blue shorts, and every single one was a man with light skin and short brown hair. What had happened, and how was she the only one who was still different?
“You don’t understand,” she said, looking at him sadly. “I am not who you think I am.”
All the lights in the city went out and they knew the monsters were surrounding them.
“If you take one step closer, it’ll be the last step you ever take,” he said, pointing the weapon at the strange figure in front of him. But his threat was useless, since the creature had no feet.
There, nestled within the grove of trees, was the thing he’d been waiting for since he was 12 years old.
“Who’s there?” Her words bounced off of the metal walls of shipping containers when she awoke. But there was only the echo of her own voice to answer her.
They were lost in the woods and they knew it, although this time was different. This time, they were hunted.
Looking into the fire was the wrong thing to do. He found he couldn’t drag his stare away.
It wasn’t until my father pushed me off the cliff that I believed he was telling the truth.
The sign hit them like an inanimate object.
The pumpkin would not stop growing, despite the application of the second potion. The witch had lied.
All four tires were on the ground, but I had started floating toward the surface.
Smoke leaked from the exhaust pipes of the Mustang as the plane began to descend. She looked into the jungle below, dreading the impact.
Picture us, standing against the world, armed to the teeth, walking out into that blizzard.
If romance is dead, then I suppose there are none to blame but the hopeless romantics. It was a boy, not too long ago, that taught me romance – real romance—isn’t something hopeless, or unenergetic like stale poetry, or futile like canned compliments.
It’s impossible to tell really, just how many times I’ve come back.
When a pet passes away, the moment is strangely dense. That moment as I held the shoebox was the longest of my young life, but there were harder times to come.
The girl crept past the open door, listening with piqued interests for clues revealed in the voices beyond it.
Thunder does not crash like a wave, but ripples outward like a pebble tossed into a pond. When the lightning struck, I was the first to hear that thunder.
Heroes wear masks for all kinds of reasons. I wear the mask so they can’t see the grey at my temples or the weariness of age in my eyes.
The sun never shone like it did that day. It baked my skin until I felt I might burn in the shade, but I never did. Nothing went wrong that day.
The paper tore once, twice, three times. I shredded it and scattered it to the wind.
Ma always told me not to climb so high. Always lookin’ out for me ’cause I ain’t look out for myself. Too bad Ma ain’t here now.
They think they know me, but they don’t really. I hunt only at night and only when I know I have the advantage over my prey.
City slicker like myself doesn’t have a wit of business in the country. They knew it. I knew it. Not a one of us in that room was happy I’d purchased the land.
Here’s the thing about family. Family sticks together, but it’s almost never roses and sunshine. Family sticks together when you have nothing; so when you have it all, well, things get complicated in a different way.
It wasn’t my idea to paint the damn cow, it was Johnny’s; but I suppose I’m to blame for going along with it.
Stars spin real slow. So slow you can’t see it, unless you have the time and the resources to take a really close look.
I can’t say I ever much liked gym class. I’ve never seen the point of running unless you were being chased. But I’m running now, aren’t I? I guess I’m glad I never skipped gym.
It’s been a few years since the guns got off the street, and the drugs. Didn’t happen all at once, but it did happen fast. Not sure I like it.
My dad raised me believing that time is money. Now that money is time though, I’m not sure anything he taught me means what I thought it would.
I realized that something was wrong when I thought “I’m getting married,” instead of “I’m getting married to John.”
It wasn’t a happy winter, but it wasn’t so sad either, considering.
“Blood is thicker than water,” we all heard that. What people don’t do is say it out full: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb,” which, (if you ask me, which you didn’t) means almost the opposite.
Never thought I’d dance on his grave, not really.
Clouds parted that night, while I was bending picking weeds in the dark—fool thing to do—and the moon shone down on my garden.
There are dreamers like me, but none as vivid, and none who know the clouds and sunshine of my mind as I do.
You can’t sing—can’t really sing—a happy song when you are sad; but I know now that you can sing a sad song, and fill that song with life, when you are happy.
All it took was one step into the water and I knew I was home.
If love stories begin with wonder and end with tragedy, this isn’t really a love story.
She looked out the window and saw moving shadows, as far as the eye could see, and was thankful at least for the light from the window on the house on the hill.
“I’m falling for you,” he said. But he knew that look and he regretted it immediately.
Give me five minutes and I’ll turn that girl’s silly smile into a look of shock.
At dawn, we were swallowed up by the darkness, but it didn’t matter, really. We had waited for it all night long.
If loss were a taste, you’d spit it out as soon as you were able to. But it isn’t. It’s a sound and a cry and it goes on forever.
That night in September, the body count was almost as high as the temperature.
.”They’re not even normal,” the little girl whispered. “Look Ma’, those men have gills for ears.”
She closed her eyes and remembered the flowers in her mother’s yard and how red the roses grew.
There was nothing left to say but “I love you” as they stood together and watched the world burn.
“Mamma, there’s someone here to see you.” I knew from the sound of my daughter’s scared voice who that someone was.
Lost in a wonderland of sorts, I wandered the home’s slanted hallways until I found the right room.
“There he is,” she shouted. “I told you he…..!” But before I could turn to look, she screamed and fell silent.
The explosion could be seen for miles around, but only two people saw it.
She couldn’t identify the lifeforms standing across from her but she knew they weren’t human. She also knew they weren’t friendly.
“Here, put on this mask,” she said. “They can’t know who you really are.”
It took 15 days and 11 hours to reach the mountain range on foot, but there it was in front of us, big as we knew it would be.
“I don’t know how you handle this type of thing on Earth,” she spat, “but here on Mars, we don’t let killers run free.”

Incredibly Common Reasons We Become Our Own Worst Enemies

Batoota — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 07:35:25 +0000

Incredibly Common Reasons We Become Our Own Worst Enemies

Inner peace begins the moment you take a deep breath and choose not to allow another person or event to control your thoughts.

FOR THE LONGEST time Marc had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way. He studied his failures until he lost sight of his successes. He surrendered his dreams to feel a sense of comfort. He crafted limiting beliefs and shielded himself from love and happiness by refusing to put himself out there. And as he did all this, he sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.

Obviously, he was very lost.

Marc began to turn things around about a decade ago when his stubborn habits led him into a chaotic argument with Angel. As we both stared at each other through tears, Angel said, “Marc, you are the enemy— your enemy. It’s your choices. I can’t sympathize any longer. You can choose differently if you want to, but you have to want to. Please want to!” And after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, a little sabbatical, and continuous support from a loving wife and a few close friends, Marc learned to choose differently and eventually found himself again.

We tell you this because we know you struggle with similar inner demons—occasionally we all do.

Sometimes our thoughts and routine choices are our biggest enemies. Which is why we want to remind you to beware of . . .

The expectation of constant contentment

Nothing in life is constant. There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness. There are only the changes in our moods that continuously oscillate between these two extremes.

At any given moment we are comparing how we currently feel to how we felt at another time—comparing one level of our contentment to another. In this way, those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal. In other words, happiness and sadness need each other. One reinforces the other. Humans must know misery to identify times of elation.

The key is to focus on the good. May you live each moment of your life consciously, and realize that all the happiness you seek is present if you are prepared to notice it. If you are willing to appreciate that this moment is far better than it could have been, you will enjoy it more for what it truly is.
The obsession with examining personal failures

Imagine being enrolled in five college classes in which you achieved one A, two Bs, and two Cs. Would you concentrate on the A or the Cs? Would you berate yourself for falling short in the C classes? Or would you capitalize on your obvious interest and aptitude in the subject matter of the A class? We hope you realize the value of the latter. While you might want to improve in the C classes, berating yourself is not a healthy path

forward. And the A classes might shine some light on where your innate talents and passions lie.

Every morning when you wake up, think of three things that are going well in your life at the moment. As you fall asleep every night, fill your mind with an appreciation for all the small things that went well during the day. Examine your successes.

Give the power of your thinking to the positive influences in your life, and they will grow stronger and more influential every day. Remind yourself often of what works well and why, and you’ll naturally find ways to make lots of other things work well too. The most efficient way to enjoy more success in life is not to obsess yourself with what hasn’t worked in the past, but instead to extend and expand upon the success you already know.
The urge to surrender to the draw of comfort

The most common and destructive addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. Why pursue growth when you already have four hundred television channels and a recliner? Just pass the chip dip and lose yourself in a trance. Wrong! That’s not living—that’s existing. Living is about learning and growing through excitement and discomfort.

Life is filled with questions, many of which don’t have an obvious or immediate answer. It’s your willingness to ask these questions, and your courage to march confidently into the unknown in search of the answers, that gives life its meaning.

In the end, you can spend your life feeling sorry for yourself, cowering in the comfort of your routines, wondering why there are so many problems out in the real world, or you can be thankful that you are strong enough to endure them. It just depends on your mindset. The obvious first step, though, is convincing yourself to step out of your comfort zone.
The self-limiting beliefs

You do not suffer from your beliefs. You suffer from your disbeliefs. If you have no hope inside you, it’s not because there is no hope; it’s because you don’t believe there is.

Since the mind drives the body, it’s the way you think that eventually makes the dreams you dream possible or impossible. Your reality is simply a reflection of your thoughts and the way you routinely contemplate what you know to be true. All too often we literally do not know any better than good enough. Sometimes you have to try to do what you think you can’t do so that you realize that you actually can.

It all starts on the inside. You control your thoughts. The only person who can hold you down is you.
The resistance to being vulnerable

Love is vulnerability. Happiness is vulnerability. The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself to beauty and opportunity.

Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world. It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me. Take me or leave me.”

It’s hard to consciously choose vulnerability. Why? Because the stakes are high. If you reveal your authentic self, there is the possibility that you will be misunderstood, judged, or even rejected. The fear of these things is so powerful that you put on an armored mask to protect yourself. But, of course, this only perpetuates the pain you are trying to avoid.

The truth is that nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet. Since love and happiness are born out of your willingness to be vulnerable—to be open to something wonderful that could be taken away from you—when you hide from your vulnerability, you automatically hide from everything in life worth attaining.
The expectations of how things are supposed to be

There’s this fantasy in your head about how you think things are supposed to be. This fantasy blinds you from reality and prevents you from appreciating the genuine goodness that exists in your life.

The solution? Simple: Drop the needless expectations. Appreciate what is. Hope for the best, but expect less.

You have to accept reality instead of fighting it. Don’t let what you expected to happen blind you from all the good things that are happening. When you stop expecting people and things to be perfectly the way you had

imagined, you can enjoy them for who and what they truly are.

Afterthoughts

Today, do your best to leverage the reminders above. The overarching goal is to gradually change your response to what you can’t control. To grow so strong on the inside that nothing on the outside can affect your inner wellness without your conscious permission.

Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

Batoota — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 07:27:30 +0000

Things You Should Stop Expecting from Others

THE BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENTS in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others.

Tempering your expectations of other people will greatly reduce unnecessary frustration and suffering, in both your life and theirs, and will help you refocus on the things that truly matter.

Stop expecting them to agree with you.

You deserve to be happy. You deserve to live a life you are excited about. Don’t let the opinions of others make you forget that. You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. In fact, the more you approve of your own decisions in life, the less approval you need from everyone else.

You have to dare to be yourself and follow you own intuition, however frightening or strange that may feel or prove to be. Don’t compare yourself with others. Don’t get discouraged by their progress or success. Follow your own path and stay true to your own purpose. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
Stop expecting them to respect you more than you respect yourself.

True strength is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. It’s about having faith and trust in who you are, and a willingness to act upon it. Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.

Today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.” It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself. When you practice self-love and self-respect, you give yourself the opportunity to be happy. When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and a better you.
Stop expecting (and needing) them to like you.

You might feel unwanted and unworthy to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your worth. Spend time with those who value you. No matter how good you are to people, there will always be one negative person who criticizes you. Smile, ignore them, and carry on.

In this crazy world that’s trying to make you the same as everyone else, the toughest battle you’ll ever have to fight is the battle to be yourself. And as you’re fighting back, not everyone will like you. Sometimes people will call you names because you’re “different.” But that’s perfectly okay. The things that make you different are the things that make you, you, and the right people will love you for it.
Stop expecting them to fit your idea of who they are.

Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves. When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate them.

Pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for who you want them to be. We don’t

know most people half as well as we believe we do; and truly knowing someone is a big part of what makes them wonderful. Every human being is remarkable and beautiful; it just takes a patient set of eyes to see it. The more you get to know someone, the more you will be able to look beyond their appearance and see the beauty of who they truly are.
Stop expecting them to know what you’re thinking.

People can’t read minds. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion, because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy you haven’t talked to because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it—he hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given him the time of day either.

In life, you have to communicate with others regularly and effectively. And often, you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking. It’s as simple as that.
Stop expecting them to suddenly change.

You can’t change people and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are or you choose to live without them. It might sound harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often remain the same, but when you don’t try to change them—when you support them and allow them the freedom to be as they are—they gradually change in the most beautiful way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.
Stop expecting them to be okay.

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle, just like you are. Every smile or sign of strength hides an inner struggle every bit as complex and extraordinary as your own.

Remember that embracing your light doesn’t mean ignoring your dark. We are measured by our ability to overcome adversities and insecurities, not by avoiding them. Supporting, sharing, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. This happens naturally if we allow it, because we all share very similar dreams, needs, and struggles. As mentioned earlier in this book, once we accept this, the world then is a place where we can look someone else in the eye and say, “I’m lost and struggling at the moment,” and they can nod and say, “Me too,” and that’s okay. Because not being okay all the time is perfectly okay.

Afterthoughts

People rarely behave exactly the way you want them to. Again, hope for the best, but expect less. And remember, the magnitude of your happiness will be directly proportional to your thoughts and how you choose to think about things. Even if a situation or relationship doesn’t work out, it’s still worth it if it made you feel something new and if it taught you something new.

Ways to Protect Yourself from Other People’s Negative Energy

Batoota — Sat, 29 Apr 2023 07:20:55 +0000

It’s tough to live a positive life around negative people.

DEALING WITH NEGATIVITY can be quite a downer. Angel once had a coworker whose negative energy would wash over her on a daily basis. In their conversations, the coworker would complain about everything— work tasks, family, friends, health, and anything else she could think of. She was also extremely cynical about others, often doubting their intentions and judging them harshly. Talking to her wasn’t a pleasant experience, to say the least.

The first time Angel had a meeting with this coworker, she felt completely drained. It felt as if someone had sucked the life out of her, and it took a couple of hours for the effects to wear off. The same thing happened the next few times the two of them spoke too. Angel quickly realized she needed to work out an action plan to deal with this kind of negative energy.

Angel gradually developed several key strategies for dealing with negative people effectively. They have worked wonders in her life, and now we use them to assist hundreds of coaching and course students we interact with on a weekly basis. We hope you find value in them too.

Set and enforce limits.

Negative people who wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions are hard to deal with. They want people to join their 24/7 pity party so they can feel better about themselves. You may feel pressured to listen to their complaints simply because you don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a compassionate ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional drama.

You can avoid this drama by setting boundaries and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: If a negative person were chain-smoking cigarettes, would you sit beside them all day inhaling their secondhand smoke? No, you wouldn’t—you’d distance yourself. So go ahead and give yourself some breathing room when you must.

If distancing yourself is impossible in the near term, another great way to set limits is to ask a negative person how they intend to fix the problem they’re complaining about. Oftentimes they will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a more harmonious direction, at least temporarily.
Respond mindfully—don’t just react.

A reaction is a hot, thoughtless, in-the-moment eruption of emotion that’s usually driven by your ego (as human beings, we’re more likely to react when we’re disconnected from our logical mind). It might last just a split second before your intuition kicks in and offers some perspective, or it might take over to the point that you act on it. When you feel angry or flustered after dealing with a negative person, that’s a sign you’ve reacted rather than responded mindfully. Responding mindfully will leave you feeling like you handled things with integrity and

poise.

Bottom line: When you encounter someone with a negative attitude, don’t respond by throwing insults back at them. Keep your dignity and don’t lower yourself to their level. True strength is being bold enough to walk away from the nonsense with your head held high.
Introduce lighter topics of discussion.

Some people’s negative attitudes are triggered by specific, seemingly harmless topics. For example, one of Angel’s friends turns into a self-victimizer whenever we talk about her job. No matter what Angel says, she’ll complain about everything related to her job, and when Angel tries to interject with positive comments, she just rolls right over them with more negativity. Obviously this becomes quite a conversation dampener.

If you find yourself in a similar conversational situation, and the person you’re talking with is stuck on a topic that’s bringing either one of you down, realize their negative emotions may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-off conversation. Your best bet is to introduce a new topic to lighten the mood. Simple things like funny memories, mutual friendships, personal success stories, and other kinds of happy news make for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive about.
Focus on solutions, not problems.

Where and how you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you zero in on the problems you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress. When you shift your focus toward actions that can improve your circumstances, you create a sense of self-efficacy that yields positive emotions and reduces stress.

The same exact principle applies when dealing with negative people—fixating on how stressful and difficult they are only intensifies your suffering by giving them power over you. Set a boundary for yourself to stop thinking about how troubling this person is, and focus instead on how you’re going to go about handling their behavior in a positive way. This makes you more effective by putting you in the driver’s seat, and it will greatly reduce the amount of stress you experience when you’re interacting with them.
Maintain a level of emotional detachment from other people’s opinions of you.

This one is vital for keeping stress at a distance. Not allowing negative people (or anyone, for that matter) to put the weight of their inadequacies on your back is vital to your emotional health and happiness. It all comes down to how you value yourself, and thus believe in yourself.

People who manage their lives effectively are generally those who work internally—those who know that success and well-being come from within (internal locus of control). Negative people generally work externally— blame others or outside events for everything that does or doesn’t happen (external locus of control).

When your sense of satisfaction and self-worth are derived from the opinions of others, you are no longer in control of your own happiness. Know this. When emotionally strong people feel good about something they’ve done, they don’t let anyone’s shallow opinions or spiteful remarks take that away from them.

Truth be told, you’re never as good as everyone says when you win, and you’re never as terrible as they tell you when you lose. The important thing is what you’ve learned, and what you’re doing with it.
Let go of the desire to change other people’s negative tendencies.

Some people you can help by setting a good example; others you can’t. Recognize the difference and it’ll help maintain your equilibrium. Don’t be taken in by the energy vampires, manipulators, and emotional blackmailers by desperately trying to control what is out of your control—other people’s behavior.

For the most part, you can’t change people, and you shouldn’t try. Either you accept who they are and set a boundary or choose to live without them It might sound a bit harsh, but it’s not. When you try to change people, they often resist and remain the same. But when you don’t try to change them—and allow them the autonomy to be as they are—they often gradually change in the most miraculous way. Because what really changes is the way you see them.
Dedicate ample time every day to self-care.

You do not have to neglect yourself just because others do. Seriously, if you’re forced to live or work with a

negative person, then make sure you set boundaries in your schedule so that you get enough alone time to rest and recuperate. Having to play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of persistent negativity can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, the negativity can consume you.

As mentioned previously, negative people can keep you up at night as you constantly question yourself:

“Am I doing the right thing?”

“Am I really so terrible that they speak to me like that?” “I can’t believe he did that!”

“I’m so hurt!”

Thoughts like these can keep you agonizing for weeks, months, or even years. Sadly, sometimes this is the goal of a negative person: to drive you crazy and bring you down to their level of thinking, so they’re not wallowing alone. And since you can’t control what they do, it’s important to take care of yourself so that you can remain centered, feeling healthy and ready to live positively in the face of their negativity when you must.

Afterthoughts

Although it can be hard to admit, sometimes the negative person is ourselves. Yes, sometimes it’s your own negativity that hurts you more than anything else.

If your inner critic is trying its hardest to get the best of you, try giving up all the thoughts and contemplations that make you feel bad, or even just some of them, for the rest of the day. See how doing that changes your life. You don’t need these negative thoughts. All they have ever given you is a false self that suffers for no reason.

28 Methods to Uncomplicate Your Relationships

Batoota — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 07:18:16 +0000

ALMOST TWO DECADES in the past, when Marc requested his grandfather for some relationship recommendation, he mentioned, “Truthfully, the second I finished looking for the best girl and began attempting to turn into the best man, your grandmother walked as much as me and mentioned, ‘Hiya.’”

This small tip instantly modified the best way Marc handled himself and others. The truth is, it set the inspiration for all of the wholesome relationships he’s nurtured through the years, together with our marriage.

The underside line is that each single one in every of our relationships begins inside us. After we uncomplicate ourselves, we uncomplicate our interactions with others. After we cease doing the flawed issues and begin doing the best issues, our relationships get so much simpler.

Which implies it’s time to . . .

Cease trying to others for the love and respect solely you may give your self. Self-respect, self-worth, and self-love—there’s a cause all of them begin with “self.” You possibly can’t obtain them from anybody else.
Begin accepting and embracing your flaws. When you’ve accepted your flaws, nobody can use them in opposition to you. Love your self! Forgive your self! Settle for your self! You might be you, and that’s the start and the tip. No apologies, no regrets.
Cease evaluating and competing each second. Take one step at a time and don’t examine your progress with that of others. All of us want our personal time to journey our personal distance. Bear in mind this, and provides others the area to do the identical.
Begin letting others be precisely who they’re. Bear in mind, an amazing relationship is about two issues: First, appreciating the similarities; and second, respecting the variations.
Cease being insensitive. At all times be kinder than you are feeling. Sure, be waaaay kinder than obligatory. You by no means know what somebody goes by way of. If you happen to can not communicate a form phrase, say nothing in any respect.
Begin displaying your love. Don’t simply say it; let your actions communicate too. Displaying somebody you care is fantastic, and it’s straightforward. Typically the smallest act of affection can take up the best area in somebody’s coronary heart. To make somebody completely satisfied, give them three issues: consideration, affection, and appreciation.
Cease judging. The extra you decide, the much less you see and love. It’s straightforward to have a look at individuals and make fast judgments about them—their current and their previous—however you’d be amazed on the ache and tears a single smile hides. What an individual reveals to the world is just one tiny tip of the iceberg hidden from sight. And extra usually than not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that go all the best way to the inspiration of their soul. By no means decide; study to respect and acknowledge the emotions of one other.
Begin appearing like what you do makes a distinction. You might be wanted. You matter. At all times go above and past for individuals who want you most. In a world full of people that couldn’t care much less, be somebody who couldn’t care extra.
Cease letting one darkish cloud obliterate the entire sky. Don’t sweat the small stuff right now. Don’t let silly little day by day frustrations intervene together with your relationships. Simply do the most effective you possibly can. Stay merely. Love generously. Converse actually. Work diligently. Then let go and let what’s meant to be, be.
Begin doing what’s proper for you too. Bear in mind, if you happen to care an excessive amount of about what different individuals suppose, in a manner you’ll all the time be their prisoner. You possibly can’t stay your whole life for another person. Typically you’ve received to do what’s best for you, even when somebody you care about disagrees.
Cease needing to all the time be proper. Typically we should select to be flawed, not as a result of we actually are flawed, however as a result of we worth our relationship greater than our delight.
Begin asking your self, “Will this harm somebody I care about in any manner?” The underside line is you could’t hold hurting somebody time and again and anticipate them to like and respect you.
Cease specializing in outer magnificence on a regular basis. Concentrate on inside magnificence. Ultimately, persons are not as stunning as they appear, stroll, or discuss. They’re solely as stunning as they love, as they care, and as they share. Additionally, a bit of method to bear in mind for your self: Self + Assured + Honesty = Stunning.
Begin noticing the little issues. Pay additional shut consideration to these you care about. It’s good when a good friend remembers each tiny element about you. Not since you hold reminding them, however as a result of they listen and care.
Cease pressuring others into issues, or placing up with those that strain you. Be affected person. Let individuals determine for themselves. Being prepared to attend is an indication of real love and friendship. Anybody can say that they care about you, however not everybody will look forward to you.
Begin utilizing your voice to raise others up. Let your voice encourage individuals on daily basis, a lot that they suppose to themselves, “I’m so fortunate to have such life.” Let your voice be the factor that lights a fireplace in others and retains them going even when it hurts. Let your voice be the one they hear of their desires that tells them, “You might be so beloved, you might be so wished, you’re a particular reward, and you might be worthy.”
Cease taking issues personally. No matter occurs in a relationship, nonetheless individuals behave, simply don’t take issues too personally. Nothing different individuals do is due to you; it’s due to them. Their actions are a direct results of their ideas, emotions, and feelings.
Begin letting sincere errors slide. A number of relationships fail as a result of we spend extra time declaring one another’s errors and never sufficient time having fun with one another’s firm. So keep in mind that everybody makes errors. If you happen to can’t forgive others, don’t anticipate others to forgive you.
Cease being dramatic. Spend much less time gossiping about issues and extra time serving to your self and others clear up them. Keep out of individuals’s useless drama and don’t create your personal.
Begin forgiving your self for the ache you brought about prior to now. Individuals might be extra forgiving than you can think about, however you must forgive your self too. Let go of what’s bitter and transfer on.
Cease letting your expectations get in the best way of your love. Love is just friendship with out unjust expectations. It’s a quiet understanding, a mutual confidence, and a dedication to sharing and forgiving. It’s

loyalty by way of good and dangerous instances. It settles for lower than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.
Begin being sincere about how you are feeling. Bear in mind, being sincere won’t all the time get you plenty of associates, however it’ll all the time get you the best ones.
Cease spending time with those that constantly belittle you. Don’t let anybody make you are feeling that you don’t deserve the great issues taking place in your life. You need to be completely satisfied. You need to stay a life you might be enthusiastic about. Don’t let anybody make you neglect that. Encompass your self with individuals who make you a greater individual—those that encourage you to be your greatest self.
Begin giving your self all of the approval you want. Say it: “I’m who I’m, and your approval isn’t wanted.” Simply be your self and let the best individuals love the actual you. Discover individuals who respect you as a lot as you respect them. Be with those that are completely satisfied and proud to have you ever simply the best way you might be.
Cease saying sure whenever you need to say no. You possibly can’t all the time be agreeable; that’s how individuals make the most of you. Typically you must set clear boundaries.
Begin speaking clearly. Don’t attempt to learn different individuals’s minds, and don’t make different individuals attempt to learn yours. Most issues, large and small, inside a household, friendship, or enterprise relationship, begin with dangerous communication. Somebody isn’t being clear.
Cease making all of it about you. Probably the most profitable individuals in probably the most profitable relationships are wanting for tactics to assist others. Probably the most unsuccessful persons are nonetheless asking, “What’s in it for me?”
Begin residing with 100 % integrity. Don’t cheat. Be trustworthy. Be sort. Do the best factor! It’s a simpler solution to stay. Integrity is the essence of all the pieces profitable. Once you break the principles of integrity, you invite severe issues into your life. Preserve life easy and pleasing by doing what you realize in your coronary heart is true.

And at last, keep in mind that good relationships don’t simply occur; they take time, endurance, dedication, and two individuals who really need to work to be collectively.

10Relationship Tips Everyone Forgets

Batoota — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 06:36:24 +0000

SEVERAL YEARS AGO, on their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Marc’s eighty-seven-year-old grandfather looked at his eighty-four-year-old grandmother and said, “This right here, our relationship, this is my greatest accomplishment. You are my best friend!”

Those words have always remained with both of us, and especially with Marc. They were beautifully romantic, but more importantly, they were delightfully true. Healthy relationships and friendships are accomplishments. They take commitment and work, and two people who are willing to meet in the middle and put in the necessary effort.

If you’re in a relationship that could use a little help, whether intimate or a platonic friendship, the tips below will come in handy.

Let go of old wounds through forgiveness.

Every moment of your life you are either growing or dying—and when you are physically healthy, it’s a choice, not fate. The art of maintaining happiness in your life and relationships relies on the fine balancing act of holding on and letting go. Yes, sometimes people you trust (including yourself) will hurt you. Being hurt is something you can’t avoid, but being continuously miserable is always a choice. Forgiveness is the remedy. You have to let go of what’s behind you before you can grasp the goodness in front of you.
Come clean when you make a mistake.

An honest heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world. The most honorable people of all are not those who never make mistakes, but rather those who admit to their mistakes, and then go on and do their best to right their wrongs. In the end, being honest might not always win you a lot of friends and lovers, but it will always keep the right ones in your life.
Stop gossiping and start communicating.

A good rule of thumb: If you can’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” Life is much too short to waste talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up trouble that has no substance. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so. If you don’t like it, speak up. But never judge people behind their back.
Give others the space to make their own decisions.

Stop judging others by your own past. Never act, judge, or treat people like you know them better than they know themselves. They are living a different life from yours. What might be good for one person may not be good for another. What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better. Allow the people in your life to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.
Do things that make you happy.

If you want to awaken happiness in a relationship, start by living a life that makes you happy and then radiate your happiness into your relationship. If you want to eliminate suffering in a relationship, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity into your relationship. Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation. All the positive change you seek in any relationship starts with the one in the mirror.
Show your loved ones your kindness in small ways every day.

No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. Nothing could be closer to the truth. Always be kinder than necessary. You never know what someone is going through. Sometimes you have to be kind to someone, not because they’re being nice, but because you are. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Say less when less means more.

It takes some courage to stand up and speak; it takes even more courage to open your mind and listen. Pay attention and be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble. The people in your life often need a listening ear more than they need a rambling voice. And don’t listen with the intent to reply; hear what is being said with the intent to understand. You are as beautiful as the love you give, and you are as wise as the silence you leave behind.
Let your love and trust overpower your fear.

You never lose by loving; you lose by holding back. No relationship is impossible until you refuse to give it a chance. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you but trusting them not to. Without this trust, a relationship cannot survive. You can’t live in fear of others hurting you; you have to believe in the good faith of others. If you are ever going to have someone trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too.
Accept, don’t expect.

Unconditional acceptance is something we want but rarely ever give out. Remember, people never do anything that is out of character. They may do things that go against your expectations, but what people do reveals exactly who they are. Never force your expectations on people, other than the expectation that they will be exactly who they are. Who they are is not what they say or what you have come to expect; it is who they reveal themselves to be. Either you accept them as they are, or you move on without them.
Let the wrong ones go.

Know your worth! When you give your time to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your heart you will never get back. All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate and respect you is actually a gain, not a loss. Some people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something. They come and they go, and they make a difference. It’s perfectly okay that they’re not in your life anymore. You now have more time to focus on the relationships that truly matter.

Afterthoughts

Remember, even the healthiest relationships have small flaws. Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble. Accept the fact that there will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good. Instead of constantly looking for signs of what’s not working in your relationship, what you need to look for are signs of what is working, and then use that as a solid foundation to build on.

Things We Forget to Thank Our Best Friends

Batoota — Mon, 02 Jan 2023 18:20:57 +0000

I don’t want a sure variety of pals, simply various pals I could be sure of.

SOME OF OUR finest pals are household, some we’ve identified since we had been youngsters, and others are newer friendships that proceed to develop stronger by the day. Though they’re all very totally different, each one among them is extraordinary. We wouldn’t be who we’re in the present day with out these individuals in our lives. And although we all know this, we frequently take our greatest pals as a right. We overlook to thank them, for nearly every thing. So right here’s our try at setting the report straight:

“Thanks for making so many peculiar moments extraordinary.” Sure, typically probably the most peculiar issues could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the correct individuals.
“Thanks for all the time giving me the additional push I want.” A finest pal is somebody who will encourage you to be who you all the time knew you could possibly be. Preserve this in thoughts. Anybody who helps you make your half-hearted makes an attempt extra wholehearted via kindness, dedication, and teamwork, is a keeper.
“Thanks for telling me the reality.” Bear in mind, being trustworthy may not all the time get you a variety of pals, however it’s going to all the time get you the correct ones. Too many people choose mild lies to arduous truths.
“Thanks for speaking issues out with me.” Numerous issues on this planet would disappear if we talked to one another as an alternative of about one another. So all the time talk clearly with these closest to you, even when it’s uncomfortable and uneasy.
“Thanks for assembly me midway.” Greatest pals in the end meet within the center. When there’s a disagreement, they work out an answer that works for each events—a compromise, slightly than a necessity for the different particular person to alter or fully give in.
“Thanks for not getting in the way in which of the opposite necessary elements of my life.” A wholesome relationship won’t ever require you to sacrifice your happiness, your different necessary relationships, your desires, or your dignity.
“Thanks for being compassionate.” Let their kindness and compassion remind you to pay it ahead. All the time give these round you the break that you simply hope the world will provide you with by yourself dangerous day, and also you won’t ever, ever remorse it.
“Thanks for pondering of me as usually as you do.” Make little gestures each day to indicate your finest pals

you care. Figuring out that an individual you usually consider has you on their thoughts too means rather a lot.
“Thanks for the compliments.” It’s good to be complimented, isn’t it? Don’t miss an opportunity—not one single, tiny alternative—to inform somebody you care about how great they’re and the way stunning they’re, inside and outside.
“Thanks for making time for me.” When you find yourself necessary to a different particular person, they’ll all the time discover a strategy to find time for you—no excuses, no lies, and no damaged guarantees.
“Thanks on your full presence.” One of the best present you can provide somebody you care about is the purity of your full consideration. That’s what finest pals do for one another each time they’re collectively.
“Thanks for realizing when one thing is improper with me.” An unimaginable factor occurs after we pay shut consideration to one another. We assist one another heal, typically earlier than we even damage. An individual who actually is aware of and loves you—a finest pal—is somebody who sees the ache in your eyes whereas everybody else nonetheless believes the smile in your face.
“Thanks for making the additional effort to grasp me.” It’s a lot simpler to evaluate individuals than it is to grasp them; understanding takes further kindness and persistence. And this “further” is all the time price it.
“Thanks for not performing, judging, or treating me like me higher than I do know myself.” Sufficient stated.
“Thanks for being prepared to be improper.” Generally we should select to be improper, not as a result of we actually are improper, however as a result of we worth our relationship greater than our satisfaction.
“Thanks for supporting my selections.” Don’t take heed to those that let you know precisely what to do. Take heed to these particular few who encourage you to do what you already know in your coronary heart is true.
“Thanks for being loyal, even after we are aside.” Greatest pals don’t develop aside, even when they’re aside.
“Thanks for being there via good instances and dangerous.” The individuals who stick by you at your worst need to take pleasure in being with you at your finest. In reality, the most effective factor concerning the hardest days of your life is that you get to see who your true pals actually are. The individuals actually worthy of “finest pal” standing are those who enable you via arduous instances, and snigger with you after the arduous instances go.
“Thanks for realizing that I can’t all the time be robust.” Generally we should let a pal down as a result of we will’t maintain them up. However “I can’t carry you” doesn’t imply “I don’t love you.” It might merely imply “I’m struggling too.”
“Thanks for dealing with issues with me.” Greatest pals are those that make your issues their issues too, simply so that you don’t should undergo them alone. Don’t search for somebody who will remedy all of your issues; search for somebody who will face them with you.
“Thanks for going out of your method for me, even when it’s not handy.” You by no means wish to waste your time with somebody who needs you round solely when it’s handy for them. As a result of that’s not what true friendship is all about.
“Thanks for truly eager to be there for me.” True friendship is rarely burdened with demanding

guarantees and obligations. What finest pals do for one another needs to be accomplished as a result of they care and since they wish to do them. Interval.
“Thanks for strolling the speak.” Once we characterize individuals by their actions, we’re by no means fooled by their phrases. Greatest pals don’t simply speak the speak; they stroll it out.
“Thanks for believing in me.” It’s superb how far you’re prepared to go when somebody believes in you.
“Thanks for encouraging me after I stumble.” Return the favor if you’re ready. We have now sufficient critics. Be an encourager. One honest phrase of encouragement after failure is price greater than a day of reward after success. Be a blessing. Be a pal. Encourage somebody particular. Take time to care. Let your phrases heal and never wound.
“Thanks for utilizing caring phrases.” You by no means know what somebody goes via on any given day. Kindness and compassion are all the time welcome.
“Thanks for accepting me simply the way in which I’m.” A finest pal is somebody who actually is aware of you, and loves you simply the identical. Don’t change so individuals will such as you. Be your self, and the correct individuals will love the true you.
“Thanks for making me really feel comfy in my pores and skin.” That is such an necessary reminder. Be the kind of one who makes everybody you come throughout really feel completely okay and comfy with being precisely who they’re.
“Thanks for merely having fun with my firm.” Numerous relationships fail as a result of we spend extra time stating one another’s errors and never sufficient time having fun with one another’s firm.
“Thanks for valuing my time.” Anybody who’s best-friend materials will worth your time. Interval. By no means waste your time on somebody who doesn’t worth it.
“Thanks for exhibiting me that you’re grateful to have me in your life.” Exhibiting gratitude is among the easiest but strongest issues people can do for one another.
“Thanks for supporting me in making myself a precedence.” Bear in mind, placing your self first does not imply being “egocentric”—it means being self-aware. It means not forgetting to like your self too.
“Thanks for sincerely loving me.” Nothing adjustments the world for the higher like one particular person deciding to like one other, it doesn’t matter what. At this time, make investments your love in somebody particular, and thank these particular pals who make investments their love in you.
“Thanks for serving to me love myself extra too.” What you give to a different particular person is actually what you give to your self. While you deal with individuals you care about with love, you study that you simply’re lovable too.
“Thanks for all of the little belongings you do this make a giant distinction.” Take note of the little issues, as a result of if you actually miss somebody, you miss the little issues probably the most—like simply laughing collectively.
“Thanks for being affected person and forgiving after I step in your toes.” Remind your self once more: No matter how trustworthy and type you attempt to be, you’ll often step on the toes of the individuals closest to you. And that is exactly why persistence and forgiveness are so very important. Endurance is the power to let your mild shine on

these you like, even after your fuse has blown. And forgiveness is realizing deep down that they didn’t imply to blow your fuse within the first place.
“Thanks for not holding my unchangeable previous towards me.” Generally happiness in relationships quantities to creating peace with one thing that may’t be fastened. Generally you let it go, and typically you maintain it damaged. It quantities to forgiveness in any case.
“Thanks for not anticipating our relationship to all the time be straightforward.” Wholesome relationships don’t simply occur; they take time, persistence, and two individuals who actually wish to work collectively to create one thing significant and lasting.
“Thanks for giving me the solitude and house I want.” Bear in mind, it’s wholesome to spend time alone typically. You want to know the right way to be alone and never be outlined by one other particular person.
“And most of all, thanks for being you.”

Types of Friends Worth Fighting For

Batoota — Mon, 02 Jan 2023 18:08:35 +0000

THIS CHAPTER WAS inspired by three emails we’ve received, all of which share a similar theme about friendship. Below we have shared a small excerpt from each (with permission). We know you will appreciate them:

“Kayla, my 12-year-old daughter, speaks fluent sign language because her best friend, Megan, whom she grew up with from the time she was an infant, is deaf. Seeing their genuine friendship evolve and grow over the years truly warms my heart.”

“My younger brother, Greg, spends most of his free time at school hanging out with the football team—he’s actually been working out with the team and everything. Greg has a mild case of autism. About a year ago my mom was ready to pull him out of school and have him homeschooled due to excessive bullying from peers. One of the popular football players, who had stood up for him in the past, heard about this, explained the situation to his teammates and friends, and stood by his side until the bullying stopped. Now, a year later, he’s just ‘one of the guys.’”

“Yesterday my sister and I were in a pretty bad car accident. Luckily both of us were wearing our seat belts and didn’t have any major injuries. My sister is and always has been Ms. Popular—she knows everyone. I’m the complete opposite—an introvert who hangs out with the same two girls all the time. My sister immediately posted a comment on Facebook and Instagram about our accident. And while all her friends were commenting, my two friends showed up independently at the scene of the accident before the ambulance arrived.”

Each of these emails made us smile because they reminded us of the power of true friendship. There’s honestly nothing more beautiful and meaningful in this world.

The author of the third email excerpt above ended her email with this line: “I know I don’t have a lot of friends, but I’m sure grateful I have a couple worth fighting for.”

And that’s exactly what we want to reflect on here—ten types of friends worth fighting for:

Friends who make time for each other

There are countless intricacies to every great friendship, but the foundation is always incredibly simple: making time for each other. The key is to hang in, stay connected, fight for them, and let them fight for you. Don’t walk away when the going gets a little tough, don’t be distracted too easily, don’t be too busy or tired, and don’t take them for granted. Friends are part of the glue that holds life and happiness together. It’s powerful stuff!

So put down the smartphone, close the laptop, and enjoy each other’s company, face-to-face, the old- fashioned way.

There are few joys that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other. Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary simply by doing them with the right people. You know this! Choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together.
Friends who are willing to put in the necessary effort

Healthy, long-term friendships are amazing, but rarely easygoing 24/7. Why? Because they require flexibility and compromise.

Two different people will always have two slightly different perspectives about the same situation. Resisting this truth and seeing the hard times as immediate evidence that something is catastrophically wrong, or that you’re supposed to see eye-to-eye on everything, only aggravates the difficulties. By contrast, finding the willingness to view the challenges as learning opportunities will give you the energy and strength you need to continue to move forward and grow your friendship for decades to come.
Friends who believe in each other

Sometimes we see our worst selves, our most vulnerable and weak selves. We need someone else to get close enough to tell us we’re wrong. Someone we trust. That’s what true friends are for.

Simply believing in another person, and showing it in words and deeds on a consistent basis, can make a huge difference in their life. Several studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes, but who grew up to be happy and successful, show that the one thing they had in common was someone who believed in them. Be this someone for those you care about. Support their dreams. Participate with them. Cheer for them. Be nothing but encouraging. Whether they actually follow through with their present dreams, or completely change their minds, is irrelevant; your belief in them is of infinite importance, either way.
Friends who face challenges and weaknesses together

When we honestly ask ourselves which friends have helped us the most, we often find that it’s those special few who, instead of giving lots of advice, specific solutions, or quick cures, have chosen rather to share in our challenges and touch our wounds with a listening ear and a loving heart.

The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of pain and mourning, who can tolerate not knowing or having all the answers, not curing and fixing everything in an instant, but instead simply facing the reality of our momentary powerlessness with us—that is a friend worth fighting for.
Friends who are gentle and compassionate through life’s changes

Be gentle and compassionate with your friends as they evolve and change. Mother Nature opens millions of flowers every day without forcing the buds. Let this be a reminder not to be forceful with those you care about, but to simply give them enough light and love, and an opportunity to grow naturally.

Ultimately, how far you go in life depends on your willingness to be helpful to the young, respectful to the aged, tender with the hurt, supportive of the striving, and tolerant of those who are weaker or stronger than the majority. Because we wear many hats throughout the course of our lives, at some point in your life you will

have been all of these people, and the same is true for your friends.
Friends who support each other’s growth

No human being is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow.

Healthy friendships always move in the direction of personal growth: for the relationship as a whole and for each individual in it. A desire to impede the growth of the other for one’s personal comfort is an expression of fear.

When you connect with a true friend, this person helps you find the best in yourself. In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.
Friends who tell the truth

Subconsciously, many of us prefer gentle lies to hard truths.

Don’t do this. Don’t hide behind lies. Deal with the truth, learn the lessons, endure the consequences of reality, and move your friendship forward.
Friends who are tolerant of each other’s inevitable mood swings

Giving your friends the space to save face and not taking things personally when they’re occasionally upset, cranky, or having a bad day is a priceless gift.

Truth be told, what others say and do is often based entirely on their own self-reflection. When a friend who is angry and upset speaks to you, and you nevertheless remain present and continue to treat them with kindness and respect, you place yourself in a position of great power. You become a means for the situation to be graciously diffused and healed.
Friends who work out their issues with each other, not with others

This is something we have already discussed, but it’s worth mentioning again: Never post negatively about a friend on social media. Fourteen-year-old schoolkids post negatively about their friends on social media. It’s a catty way to get attention and vent, when the emotionally healthy response is to talk your grievances over with them directly when the time is right.

Don’t fall into the trap of getting others on your side either, because healthy friendships only have one side

—it’s called mutual respect.

Furthermore, friendships and their intricacies don’t always make sense, especially from the outside. So don’t let outsiders run your friendship for you. If you’re having an issue with a friend, work it out with them and no one else.
Friends who are faithful from a distance

Sometimes life puts geographic barriers between you and a good friend. But growing apart geographically doesn’t change the fact that for a long time you two grew side by side; your roots will always be tangled. Knowing this, embracing it, and making the best of it . . . that’s a clear sign of true friendship.

In the end, this true kind of friendship is a promise made in the heart—silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.